Are you worried that you are complicit simply by knowing about it? Because you are not, says Annalisa Barbieri
A friend confessed to me that she has cheated on her husband. It started with texts, before she met up in secret with a man she doesn’t know and they slept together. I am good friends with her husband and close to their young children. She wants me to be supportive, but I am struggling. She told the man she slept with that she was recently separated – he initially rejected her when he thought she was married. She says she feels no remorse and wouldn’t care if her husband had an affair, either. She says she wants to escape the clutches of being a mum and a wife and experience a thrill again. I am not convinced the affair is over: she is desperate to see this man again and can’t stop thinking about him. I feel awful knowing all this and still seeing her family. She says I am the only one who knows. How can I be there for her when I think what she has done is so wrong?
You ask how you can be there for her when you don’t like what she has done, so presumably you want to continue the friendship. This is what I am concentrating on. I havesupported people through infidelities, but I also want to remind you that you don’t have to: sometimes, it is the end of a friendship. Friendships can and should withstand rocky roads, but we all have our portcullis moments.